Ill-Ease

   This feeling of ill-ease, this place of limbo, of the unknown, is testing the strength of my faith to its very core. While I remain trusting in my Faith of G-d’s plan, I must admit I am skeptical of the outcome of our election. Skeptical because as we are all seeing, there is much reason to be, from voter intimidation, to ballot stuffing, to voter turnout being 100% or higher, I could go on as it is rampant everywhere. There is much about this election to be questioned. We know those who are seeking to steal this election will not go down quietly. We know they will scream the loudest, push the hardest, yet when met with real Opposition, they will fold like a cheap suit. But this post isn’t about the election. This post isn’t about keeping us divided. This post is about who will rise to the challenge of being that Opposition. 

   We have an opportunity to affect REAL change in our society. So I ask, “Will We The People stand together and fight against those who seek to destroy our society or will we sit placidly by and watch the fall of our Republic?”

   I am hedging that We The People will rise up. Why I feel this way is simple, we have spent too many generations building a strong representative Republic. We have become accustomed to a certain way of life. I am one who believes that way of life lends itself to individual freedom. I am one who believes that we stand on a foundation of morals and integrity that far surpass that of most of the world. With that said, we are facing a serious crisis in our country of moral degradation. 

   I am one of many, perhaps thousands, who were put on this earth to usher in the era of morality. To remind Humanity of its obligation to keep the scales balanced. We are here to influence change. Whether we were conscious of it or not, our entire lives have been preparing us for this time, this work, this voice. Through our unique experiences with very similar ties, we begin the daunting task of returning Us all back to a strong Moral Society. One that cannot be threatened by any outside force or ideology. To return to an Ancient philosophy that knows neither “Conservative” nor “Liberal” politics. An ideology, a mindset rich with infinite possibilities that celebrates the beauty and importance of individual talents and contributions to society. One which knows the truth that each individual is woven into the fabric of the collective human experience, one that does not negate the importance of either. For it is neither about EQUALITY nor EQUITY. It’s about balance, symmetry, synchronicity, symbiosis. It is understanding that one is not complete without the other, for the individual needs the collective just as much as the collective needs the individual. 

  But we must strive to support and champion the individual regardless of station, regardless of any perceived level of importance, to respect the beauty of its place within the collective experience. Not every person is equal, nor every situation fair, but if you look closely, you will find the balance. Every talent, every gift, every individual is important. To say otherwise is to negate its very existence. In truth, our focus has been on all the wrong things for far too long. See, not everyone aspires to be a famous star, yet, if you look at social media, one could argue that. Conversely, not everyone aspires to be a plumber, or a physicist, or a doctor, you get the idea. But if we continue to focus on EQUALITY and EQUITY, we will never be happy as individuals. We will never satisfy the thirst for more. More money, more toys, more power, more influence, etc... If we shift the focus onto balance, we find it much easier to see the individual and their unique addition to the collective experience. One need look no further than the animal kingdom. Would you say there is EQUITY or EQUALITY amongst a pride of lions or Bonobo Chimpanzees? Or how about the honey badger? I would strongly argue no. But, is there a balance? The answer is yes. See, we Humans are fallible and in that fallibility, we tend to forget that mistakes are meant to teach us, to help us grow.

   By looking beyond the evils that stand in the way of true freedom, freedom of thought, expression, religion, action, we can see that it is not an impenetrable wall,  it a sheer veil and we’ve been fooled by its opacity. It is a veil of deception, that when you lifted, you see the truth of knowledge, the truth of perception, the truth of existence. But we get caught up in the deception, feeling that our focus needs to be on growing all the wrong things. We value our self worth based on a culture that tells us no matter what or where or who we are, we will never be enough. We idolize the false premise of GREED. We’ve turned a blind eye to theology and instead embraced idolatry. We took for granted the VERY RIGHTS given to us by the ALL MERCIFUL G-D. We’ve become lazy, lackadaisical, lethargic. We’ve traded integrity for luxury, morals for wokeness, and accountability for accusatory behavior. For it is easier to sit all comfy on our homes pointing fingers and judging, than go help at the soup kitchen. It’s easier to go along with the crowd than stand up and speak truth. It’s easier to blame someone else than take accountability for your own actions or lack thereof. We live in a world based in emotional reaction instead of moral integrity, logic and reason. We do not respect those with whom we come in contact, nor will we give them an inch to express themselves if we think they might not line with us. Speaking from my own experience, living that way only leaves you feeling empty. And when you feel empty, you feel alone. When you feel alone, you tend to live on anger, hurt and resentment. And thus, the cycle begins. Remember, hurt people, hurt people. 

   So the result is what we are facing in our world today. An entire society of ego centered hurt people. A collective mindset of somehow being wronged, forgotten, empty. Which brings about a righteous empowerment, this belief that your way (your wronged, hurt, empty way) is the only way and must be followed by everyone. Because misery loves miserable company. It becomes infectious, invading and consuming every facet of life. It creeps in through an action, a whisper, a look. It is righteous judgement, though it has no merit or foundation other than perception. For it comes not from seeing one clearly with an open heart and mind, but from a lack of objectivity and critical thinking. From a lack of compassion and understanding. From a place of fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar. It comes from a selfish conflated narrow mindedness. A belief that one view is the only view and no opposing independent thought is allowed. That is NOT Love. That is hate. It is intolerant, disrespectful and comes from that place of hurt, empty pain.

   Which brings me to the “how” we got here and what we can do about it. The simple answer can be found when we look back just sixty years ago to the middle part of the last century, with the ushering of the Civil Rights Movement. There was so much we got right, yet so much we got very wrong. Just as we did during the Reconstruction Era, post Civil War. To do it right, we only have to look at the Old Testament or the Torah. When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt,, did he take them directly to the promised land and set them free? No. He led them on a journey to teach them HOW to create their own civilization. It took forty years. Enough time for an entire generation to be born and learn the ways of independence. Fast forward to present times, it’s taken a generation or 2 to be re-enslaved, only this time, it’s mental slavery. We have been molded into a victimhood ideology due to politicizing identity. It comes from complacent acceptance of little infractions, infringements over a long period of time. One minor infraction upon liberty, one small infringement of our G-d given rights is forgivable, right? The problem is it opens the door to more and more until one day, you wake up and your freedoms, your liberties are gone. It’s design, by nature, is rooted in the destruction of the family unit, the impossible climb out of poverty, the need to trust the “system” to raise your children because you have to work 60+ hour weeks just to make ends meet. It stems from a society who’s lost their way for the sake of a perceived “politeness”. 

   It’s time to do away with political correctness and identity politics. It’s time to usher in moral consciousness and policy based politics. It’s time to do away with career politicians and return to the honored duty of public service. And it all starts with WE THE PEOPLE. 

  It’s time to return to seeking truth of knowledge, transparency, doing the right thing simply because it’s the right thing to do. A return to treating everyone with dignity and respect, regardless of station. A return to understanding accountability and responsibility. A change in how we recognize, teach and support the individual talents so unique to each one of us. It’s time to hold our elected officials accountable to their constituents. To decide what we will accept and what we will discard. 

   I come at this not from one side or the other, though I do not deny being Conservative. I come from the side of unity. From a perspective within and outside societal norms and constructs. I see things from a wider angled lens, if you will, though I am not immune to the persuasions of this dilemma we call the Human Experience. I come from a place of Ancient Wisdom that flows within me like water, sometimes taking me over angry rapids and heart wrenching waterfalls only to be rewarded with the calmness of a lazy river. This wisdom, this voice was placed in my hands to pass on to you. It is not mine to hold but to give. It is yours to do with what you will. My goal is is that in some way, you find a small piece of this dialogue to hold onto. Something with which to grow upon. Something to share so that it too may grow. 

   Blessings to you all

      Remember to always

                                  Stand Up

                                     Stand Out

                                        Be the Light

 

Dis-Ease

  In today’s world, there is so much chaos, divide, anger and despair. The world is in a state of DIS-EASE. And we’re not quite at the peak of the fever. Though it is just about at the precipice. So much uncertainty surrounds humanity right now and so much anxiety, it’s hard to think that eventually things will return to normal. Whatever that means. One thing I do know for certain, G-d doesn’t allow anything to happen outside of “His” control. 

   The dis-ease that plagues us is a disease of the mind. It is a war on truth, reality and society. It has infected nearly every corner of the globe, but the truth is coming to light. The truth shall set us all free. The dis-information machine is old, rickety and rusting. And those who built it are doing everything they can to pretend it’s not collapsing in on itself. The dis-ease took many years, decades in fact, to fester, grow and nearly consume everything in its path. Yet, just at the moment you think it will consume completely, this dis-ease meets its greatest adversaries, truth and hope. 

  It’s that truth and hope in which the cure for this dis-ease lies. For the only way we can and will overcome it is to teach truth. That is to say, to teach to reach for truth always. To live truthfully, to live morally, to live consciously. To lift the world out of the darkness of this dis-ease, we must dedicate ourselves to be aware of just how we affect the world in which we live, allowing each one the freedom of possibility. The freedom to expand one’s own understanding of the very place they hold in this world and to take pride in said place. For it is not enough to merely exist anymore. No, the responsibility of the prosperity of humanity lies upon the shoulders of every single individual. To deny that is to deny growth, expansion, progress. 

  I don’t know about any of you, but I, for one, will fight until my dying breath for freedom, prosperity and growth. I will do my part to Make A Difference every day. I will do my part to reach out and teach any and every person I encounter at every moment presented to me, the morals instilled in me by my Creator. And I will do it in such a way that the dogmatic spectrums which surround my faith do not interfere. For I recognize that my faith is not for everyone in the sense that it is for me. My hope, is that eventually every person will have faith and trust in their Creator, so as to satisfy the desire and hunger for that prosperity and expansion. And to understand the beauty and intimacy of the relationship between man and G-d. 

   And to always remember

                                        Stand Up

                                           Stand Out

                                            Be the Light

This is the End, Beautiful Friend

  The end is near. Though I do not take pleasure in saying it, I’ve known this was coming for many years. I’ve fought this truth for so long, not wanting to believe what I saw, what I felt, what I knew. Our world as we knew it is gone, never to return. The amount of civil unrest, discord and visceral anger and hate has come to rear its ugly head. Riots in many major cities, not just here in the US, but all over the world. Did this happened because of the shut down? Yes and no. Could it have been avoided? No. Humanity is on the brink of great change. And great change does not come silently nor peacefully, for that matter. The Great Awakening is upon the world and nothing can stop it. And nothing should stop it. 

  We are uncovering some very disturbing truths about those whom we’ve trusted to protect our interests, those whom we’ve elected to represent us, those whom we’ve regarded in high esteem. And these disturbing truths are far darker than many can accept. But just because they are difficult to accept doesn’t make them any less true.       

   Once you open your eyes, your heart and mind, you will no longer be able to deny these truths. Some will refuse to accept them, claiming they are “conspiracy theories”, some will stare in disbelief, and some will fight against them. But, in the End, denial is not a river in Egypt and only serves to distract from reality. I take no pleasure in knowing what I know. I do not celebrate these truths, quite the opposite. I acknowledge them, even though they make me sick. They are disgusting, repulsive truths of corruption and acts of pure evil. Once the light shines upon these truths, the world will be in shock. And nothing can prepare you for the heinous crimes committed by people we’ve trusted for years.     

  What I will say is this, G-d has been very busy calling all His Warriors and Wrestlers to Service. In Kabbalah, it is said there are always 36 souls on the earth that are “Righteous and truly Holy”, here to do G-d’s work. I believe, and I know I’m not alone, that in this time, there are actually closer to 36 million on this earth, here “souly” for the purpose of Saving Humanity. And that we have all been called to our unique duty, based on our talents and gifts to work in unison to pull us from the ashes and make our world a better place. The work will not be easy for any of us, but it is vital that we do this work. 

  My duty is to teach. The Manual of Moral Instruction , as my parsha, is no accident. As everything I do and experience is no accident, this duty was placed in my lap in the same manner, intentionally and very consciously. And I take this responsibility very seriously. Though I feel that I am not qualified to take on such a task, I must let go of my doubt and trust that I will rise to the task and do it with complete conscious intention and clear vision of the end result. 

Good vs. Evil- The Ultimate Battle

  Doing some research on hate crimes in the US last year. According to the FBI, out of just over 4000 incidents reported, 2017 were against Jews, a 12% increase from 2018. About 1/2 of the hate crimes committed last year were against .2% of the population. Let me say that again, about 1/2 of the hate crimes were committed against less than 1% of the population. In NYC alone, which accounts for more than 1/2 of the hate crimes committed in the US, more than half of those crimes were against Jews. Out of the 213 crimes, 69 resulted in arrests. Of those arrested, 40 were white, 25 were black, 2 were Hispanic and 2 were Asian. 

   We, in the Jewish community, know all too well what discrimination and hate look like. We’ve been battling it for over 3000 yrs. and we’ve learned a thing or two when it comes to combating discrimination and hate. So why did BLM destroy Jewish communities in NYC, Los Angeles, Minneapolis and other cities across the nation? And then there’s Antifa. Arian Brotherhood shit. You think we Jews don’t know?

  I had a conversation last year with a fellow Jew asking about what we do when we leave our safe quiet small community. How do we protect ourselves? She said something o never thought she’d say. “We hide our Jewishness. It’s how we’ve survived for over 3000 yrs.” And she is right. We never stop being Jews. We never apologize for it either. But, we do recognize when we’re in dangerous situations and adjust our behavior accordingly. It’s as simple as acting with respect, manners and morals. It is to not bring attention to ourselves, to not question authority in the moment, there’s always time for that later. It’s to blend in as best we can. We also teach our children to love, not hate. We teach that all of humanity is precious in the eyes of Hashem. 

  Does the black community do this? Do you teach your children to love, despite being hated? Do you teach your children that no matter what, we are all one with G-d and His Love is the ultimate love? Do you practice what you preach? Do you teach you children that despite your position in life you can always be better? That opportunity is in your mind. And that what you chose to focus your thoughts on is what becomes your reality?

   The reality is more that we have been fed a biased narrative and believe that crimes against blacks, especially by white is at an all time high, yet I haven’t found a single report to back that up. I do however find plenty of reports stating that anti Semitic crimes rose by 20-50%, depending on what region of the country your talking about. In NYC, it’s up 20%, with 53% of all hate crimes reported being Anti-Semitic, LA up by 100%, and Chicago’s up by 46%. Yet hate crimes against the black community either fell or rose by a much smaller percentage. 
  The point in all this is to highlight the very real and growing popularity of hate. How will we ever evolve past this? How will we move beyond finger pointing, name calling and unadulterated rage? Very simply, the answer is LOVE.  
  Love isn’t about romance, intimacy or sex.  Love is about seeing an individual for who they are, seeing their story, seeing their past, and accepting their flaws, for they are, like you, only human. And when you give LOVE, the greatest reward is watching that person flourish, knowing you had a small part in that success without feeling bitter or envious of it. Love is about giving and never expecting anything in return, for the act of selfless giving in and of itself, is the ultimate reward. Doing what is right, even when unpopular, is not always easy, but worth every ounce of energy you put into it. Love is about mindful, conscious living. It’s knowing just how you affect the world in which you live and doing what you can to make that affect positive and impactful. Love can be as simple as holding the door for someone, even when they don’t acknowledge you. It can be as complex as running into a burning building to save someone. Love, you see, is listening to your gut and following it’s direction. It’s hearing the messages you receive and honoring them. Love is morals, justice and courage. Love is faith and kindness. Love is selfless sacrifice and endless hours of caring for one who cannot care for themselves. 
   It is not enough to read this and internalize it’s message. It must be spoken, it must be shown, it must be honored. We are in a war for the survival and success of humanity. This is the ultimate Good vs. Evil, and I for one am on the side of Good. I will fight for it until my dying breath. I will continue to do what is right for no other sake than it being the right thing to do. I challenge everyone to do the same and together we will rebuild a world in which we can all be proud. 

DIS-CONNECTION

   Justice for George Floyd must happen, and it will happen. However, it does not happen through means of violent, adolescent behavior.  I am all for protesting, peacefully and respectfully. For when an entire people feel that disenfranchised, our First Amendment rights give us the ability and the duty to “peaceably assemble to express a redress of grievances”. That DOES NOT mean to behave so badly that the community in which you live is destroyed. What do people think they’re accomplishing by destroying the very places in which they work, live, and connect? What does it accomplish to destroy the jobs, safety and security of their own communities? Yes, I understand the frustration at a system that continues to ignore the core of the issues. Yes, I understand the feelings that nothing will ever change, and the despair felt each and every day. Though I will never experience the color barrier, I have experienced discrimination and will continue to, for I am a Jew. And no amount of argument will change what we have endured. But this isn’t about me, or the plight of the Jew. This is about the plight of the entire Black Community of the United States. I stand with YOU! But not at the expense of destroying your own communities. I felt the same way with the riots in LA after the Rodney King Trial verdict was read. So my question, now 28 years later, remains the same. Do you seek justice, or revenge? Are you CONNECTed to your REALity or do you fight against it? Recently, conversing about my personal struggles with my doctor, he reminded me to stop fighting the struggle. To be fully present with them and aware of the purpose they serve, for they are there to force upon me the growth I so badly need. So too, is the struggle of the Black Community in the US there to force growth. We live in a crucial time of growth and expansion for all of Humanity, and growth, unfortunately can be quite uncomfortable. It forces upon us a REALization, a truth, that the way we’ve been doing things is detrimental to our very existence. It forces us to examine just how we got here and what we have to do to change that REALity. And that is never comfortable. Yet, what I see in our world is NOT a desire to CONNECT, but a desperate plight to gain the ILLUSION of CONTROL. The REALity is quite the opposite, it’s just veiled in half truths and deceptions. And the more the fight for control continues, the more desperation and hopelessness prevail. See the truth is, what our very thoughts are, become our REALity. DisCONNECTed thoughts become disCONNECTed action, which begets destruction, loss, pain and suffering. I get the desperation, I get the feelings of hopelessness, I do. Believe me, I’ve seen my fair share of pain, and as an empath, I feel the pain all around me. But what I don’t get is the feeling that revenge serves any purpose toward change for the better. Nothing anyone says will ever convince me that riots bring about positive change. They are nothing more than a knee jerk reactions to a situation that needs careful consideration and planned, deliberate action. I watched a woman speak the other day in a video about the situation surrounding the death of George Floyd. She was sickened by the atrocity of the actions shown by the very people who are sworn to protect us, as am I. And she called for ALL people of this land to stand up and speak up, with one unifying voice. She called for ALL white people (I really dislike using the terms black and white, for it perpetuates the problem) to speak up and out against the systemic RACE relation problems in our society and I agree, wholeheartedly. We, as a NATION, must rise above and BE the CHANGE we want to SEE. And it starts with recognizing the disCONNECT. Recognizing that RE-ACTION is nothing more that thoughtless ACTION. RE-SPONSE, however, is CONSCIOUS CONNECTED ACTION. And RE-SPONSibility is the CONSCIOUS duty of CONNECTION. When we CONNECT with the world in which we live, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to RE-ACT and NATURAL to RE-SPOND. It is not debatable, nor arguable. For CONNECTION is the key to balance. We are a naturally CONNECTED people who’ve allowed UNNATURAL influences to drive a wedge between us. The thoughts of SUPERIORITY and CONTROL plague our COLLECTIVE minds, even though at our core, we know that neither superiority nor control ACTUALLY serve any REAL purpose other than DIVISION. So the question becomes, what side is winning, SPIRIT or EGO? And what side are you on?

The Emergence of Sight

 

 I don’t even know where to begin with what’s going on in this world. I know what needs to be said, I know what needs to be seen, I know where we will all end up. What I don’t know is exactly how it will all happen and what it will look like. For, humanity surprises me at every turn, sometimes it’s  good, but mostly, I am left feeling sad and somewhat hopeless. Almost as though there is no hope for humanity and we are all doomed. Trapped on a planet we cannot escape, facing total destruction and extinction. Almost. But not quite. You see, there is a wonderful gift bestowed upon me, that for years, I fought against because it wasn’t understood by anyone around me and I couldn’t really articulate what I saw and felt and instead of expressing it, I suppressed it. Within the last decade, I have become more aware of it again and quietly come to know and understand it’s power and truth. This gift isn’t one I chose, nor is it one I will ever brag about. It was given in the humblest of ways and I am honored to be able to use this gift to help heal our world. I am an empath, a seer, and a messenger.  There are many aspects I still cannot explain, but no longer do I try. I don’t try to control the visions anymore, nor do I feel the need to seek them out on some kind of vision quest. I just merely have a conversation with אל רחום(G-d of Compassion) and what needs to be revealed is revealed.
 
    With that being said, I must move onto what has been coming through for the last several months. In September of 2019, the most powerful vision/connection I ever recall to date, came through during a cleaning job. On that day, September 18th, as I was wiping down the bathroom, listening to Mozart (I use classical music to connect with the upper realms), I heard a very strong voice say to me, “Look! Look now!” Instantly, I understood. As a child, I used to stare in the mirror to try to see past my physical body to the essence of my soul. I would struggle to focus beyond this realm, but I would inevitably fail. For years, I would try.  I gave up sometime in my teens and never really went back to trying. But, this voice was telling me it was time to see. See beyond this body, this existence, to the true SELF of my soul. And in that instant, all was revealed to me. It was so powerful, so intense, I dropped to my knees, tears streaming down my face, my body feeling like it would explode from the intensity of what I was feeling. Complete knowing, understanding of every life I’ve lived, every joy, every sorrow, every moment of every life revealed all at once. My instant reaction was to meekly say, through tears, “No, that can’t be.” The voice came back, “Now do you see? Now do you understand? Who you were? Who you are? Do you see why it all had to be the way it was? You are who and where you are for a reason.” I laid on the floor in a crumpled mess trying to make sense of what I just experienced. The life that was revealed, the one I’ve never seen before, the one that drives me in this life, was one of great significance. I hesitate to identify it, for I am not prepared to deal with the backlash I will receive, just know it was important in history. For now, what is important is this gift I was given. This gift of sight, of knowing and of understanding.
   Since that revelation, many visions have come through; glimpses in time, flashes of the future. Some make perfect sense and seem to calm the feelings that are flooding me. Some are so fragmented they don’t cohere to anything in reality. Mostly what I experience physically is akin to how it feels when every emotion comes to the surface and overwhelms you to the point where you feel you’re going to explode. The intensity builds and builds as each image is placed in my consciousness and breathing becomes difficult. Tears naturally stream down my face and speech isn’t possible. These only last for a few minutes at most, but can leave me feeling spent for hours. But the wisdom that comes is so great, it is clear it is not for me to hold. It is intended to be shouted from the mountain tops. Written on every subway wall, billboard, etc... So this is where I begin.
   Most of my life, I’ve known there was a specific reason I decided to come down to the lower realm in this particular time. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I knew I was here for a pretty big reason. It’s not an ego thing, for I hid from it for years. Hence the reason I’m just now putting my words out there at 47, though I’ve been writing all my life. And I’ve been writing about this pang in my gut for most of that time. With this post, I am dedicating my blog to publishing those writings from past years and continuing as the visions come through. It is no longer a choice, but something I am compelled to do. Inspired to change this world, one revelation at a time.
   Back to September.  Who I was so many years ago isn’t important right now. What I saw, however, is. Amongst us Jews, it is well known that we were chosen by G-d, but for what? Most of the world, especially Christianity, believes we were chosen to be the only ones allowed in “Heaven”. That couldn’t be further from the truth. We were chosen to be the teachers. To teach the laws and precepts of G-d. And we’ve been failing at it miserably for 5 millennia. At times, we make a small dent, but on the whole, it doesn’t seem to matter. Humanity is now on the edge of the precipice of real understanding, true enlightenment, yet fights against the reality of truth. A truth that will change the very fabric of human existence. It will change how we live, how we interact with one another, what we understand about why we’re here, and so on. And it is our DUTY as Jews to teach the world how to navigate this new REALity.
   This virus, Co-V2, is merely a catalyst for what’s to come. It will not be pretty, for in order to change our world, we must remodel it. And that’s gonna be a huge mess! Adaptation is going to be key in this reconstruction process. You can think what you want about conspiracy theories, world domination, whatever, I really don’t care. This isn’t about that. In fact, it’s so far beyond the limitations of this physical existence, that those ideas don’t even factor in. For they are nothing more than distractions. Things put in our way to deter us from the real path we are all on; to prevent this change. Yet, it is inevitable. We cannot stop it even if we try. The reality that we are destroying our planet, ourselves and our future is one that should not be debated. We are far too populated, far too unconscious and far too arrogant. This catalyst was sent here to change all of that. It begins a cycle of nature that no matter how arrogant we are to believe we can stop it, we cannot. In the coming years, we will see mass starvation, more disease, poverty and crime, as people become more desperate to survive. Hate, angst, disillusionment and fear will rear their ugly heads, but hope, consciousness, understanding and love will also rise amongst the masses. We will have a choice to embrace all that is good or all that is bad, individually and collectively. Communities will flourish while others wither away. The key will be who decides to rise to the challenge and who chooses to walk away. Those who refuse to adapt, unfortunately will perish. Those who chose to open their hearts to consciously walking this path will lead the way. As for the rest, they will either follow or be left behind. It is not a pretty scenario, but it is one that has become necessary for the survival of humanity and our precious planet upon which we live.
   In 2011, just before I decided my marriage was over, I did a spirit writing session. Little did I know at the time, how true those words would be now. What came through was this, “It isn’t what we wanted, but it became necessary in order for you to reach your full potential. What you have inside is not for you, but for the whole of the world.” Though I knew, somehow this would change everything about how I walk this path, I could not have known to what extent that change would become. Over the last 8+ years, I have been on a journey of discovery. Uncovering exactly who I am and why I’m here. I have made choices that allowed me the space to expand my understanding of every aspect of my SELF and my abilities. I have grown my skills in writing, drawing, speaking and study. These were not mistakes, nor coincidence. Whether I was aware or not, these choices give me the ability now to guide those who chose to follow. Through my writing, my art and my gift of oration, I will do all that I can to guide us into the next phase of Human existence, with the humble knowledge that these gifts are not mine to possess, but to share; to honor Hashem, Humanity and all life.
 
 

Dementia

Dementia, I am dealing with it now, as we speak. My father, the man who taught me just about everything, the man who would warn any boy who wanted to date me, the man who walked me down the aisle, the man who beamed with great pride when he met his grandson, the man who’s stood behind most everything I’ve done, is slipping away. There are days when I can handle it, there are days I cannot. I look at Dad sometimes and see this incredible man who’s lived a blessed life, not always easy, but blessed for sure. And sometimes all I can see is the disease. Each day presents new challenges, old challenges and moments of great appreciation and love. It’s chaos AND calm. It’s heartbreak and loss. It’s laughter and sarcasm. It’s everything. It’s life. I don’t want sympathy, for that feels like pity, which I simply don’t feel. I am honored to be here for him, even though we have moments where we both want to walk away. The anger, the sadness, the love, the joy of life is all there, wrapped up in one torturous disease. Soon, he won’t know who I am. Soon, he won’t remember his own life. Soon, he will need me for everything. But not today. And today, I will cherish and each day I have with him. When he’s gone, I know I’ll go through all the stages of grieving. I know I will postulate all the things I could’ve done differently. Could I have been more patient? Could I have been a bit less rigid? Could I have been a little more conscious? The answers matter not. One thing I will hold dear, no matter what, I did my best to honor him, to care for him and protect him, as he did for me. And that is what holds me up today. Gives me strength to face each challenge, each loss of control, each burst of anger or sadness or confusion. Knowing I’ve gone into this consciously, without hesitation, understanding that it will be the most difficult thing I will ever face in my life. I’m not asking for accolades, for they are irrelevant. I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I expect it. I’m here, I love him and I hope that he knows he is always safe, loved and that he matters. Because in the end, it’s not about the things we acquire, it’s not about the money we made. It’s about the difference we make. It’s about the lessons we share, the wisdom we impart, the love we show. In the end, it’s about selfless acts of lovingkindness.