DIS-CONNECTION

   Justice for George Floyd must happen, and it will happen. However, it does not happen through means of violent, adolescent behavior.  I am all for protesting, peacefully and respectfully. For when an entire people feel that disenfranchised, our First Amendment rights give us the ability and the duty to “peaceably assemble to express a redress of grievances”. That DOES NOT mean to behave so badly that the community in which you live is destroyed. What do people think they’re accomplishing by destroying the very places in which they work, live, and connect? What does it accomplish to destroy the jobs, safety and security of their own communities? Yes, I understand the frustration at a system that continues to ignore the core of the issues. Yes, I understand the feelings that nothing will ever change, and the despair felt each and every day. Though I will never experience the color barrier, I have experienced discrimination and will continue to, for I am a Jew. And no amount of argument will change what we have endured. But this isn’t about me, or the plight of the Jew. This is about the plight of the entire Black Community of the United States. I stand with YOU! But not at the expense of destroying your own communities. I felt the same way with the riots in LA after the Rodney King Trial verdict was read. So my question, now 28 years later, remains the same. Do you seek justice, or revenge? Are you CONNECTed to your REALity or do you fight against it? Recently, conversing about my personal struggles with my doctor, he reminded me to stop fighting the struggle. To be fully present with them and aware of the purpose they serve, for they are there to force upon me the growth I so badly need. So too, is the struggle of the Black Community in the US there to force growth. We live in a crucial time of growth and expansion for all of Humanity, and growth, unfortunately can be quite uncomfortable. It forces upon us a REALization, a truth, that the way we’ve been doing things is detrimental to our very existence. It forces us to examine just how we got here and what we have to do to change that REALity. And that is never comfortable. Yet, what I see in our world is NOT a desire to CONNECT, but a desperate plight to gain the ILLUSION of CONTROL. The REALity is quite the opposite, it’s just veiled in half truths and deceptions. And the more the fight for control continues, the more desperation and hopelessness prevail. See the truth is, what our very thoughts are, become our REALity. DisCONNECTed thoughts become disCONNECTed action, which begets destruction, loss, pain and suffering. I get the desperation, I get the feelings of hopelessness, I do. Believe me, I’ve seen my fair share of pain, and as an empath, I feel the pain all around me. But what I don’t get is the feeling that revenge serves any purpose toward change for the better. Nothing anyone says will ever convince me that riots bring about positive change. They are nothing more than a knee jerk reactions to a situation that needs careful consideration and planned, deliberate action. I watched a woman speak the other day in a video about the situation surrounding the death of George Floyd. She was sickened by the atrocity of the actions shown by the very people who are sworn to protect us, as am I. And she called for ALL people of this land to stand up and speak up, with one unifying voice. She called for ALL white people (I really dislike using the terms black and white, for it perpetuates the problem) to speak up and out against the systemic RACE relation problems in our society and I agree, wholeheartedly. We, as a NATION, must rise above and BE the CHANGE we want to SEE. And it starts with recognizing the disCONNECT. Recognizing that RE-ACTION is nothing more that thoughtless ACTION. RE-SPONSE, however, is CONSCIOUS CONNECTED ACTION. And RE-SPONSibility is the CONSCIOUS duty of CONNECTION. When we CONNECT with the world in which we live, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to RE-ACT and NATURAL to RE-SPOND. It is not debatable, nor arguable. For CONNECTION is the key to balance. We are a naturally CONNECTED people who’ve allowed UNNATURAL influences to drive a wedge between us. The thoughts of SUPERIORITY and CONTROL plague our COLLECTIVE minds, even though at our core, we know that neither superiority nor control ACTUALLY serve any REAL purpose other than DIVISION. So the question becomes, what side is winning, SPIRIT or EGO? And what side are you on?

The Emergence of Sight

 

 I don’t even know where to begin with what’s going on in this world. I know what needs to be said, I know what needs to be seen, I know where we will all end up. What I don’t know is exactly how it will all happen and what it will look like. For, humanity surprises me at every turn, sometimes it’s  good, but mostly, I am left feeling sad and somewhat hopeless. Almost as though there is no hope for humanity and we are all doomed. Trapped on a planet we cannot escape, facing total destruction and extinction. Almost. But not quite. You see, there is a wonderful gift bestowed upon me, that for years, I fought against because it wasn’t understood by anyone around me and I couldn’t really articulate what I saw and felt and instead of expressing it, I suppressed it. Within the last decade, I have become more aware of it again and quietly come to know and understand it’s power and truth. This gift isn’t one I chose, nor is it one I will ever brag about. It was given in the humblest of ways and I am honored to be able to use this gift to help heal our world. I am an empath, a seer, and a messenger.  There are many aspects I still cannot explain, but no longer do I try. I don’t try to control the visions anymore, nor do I feel the need to seek them out on some kind of vision quest. I just merely have a conversation with אל רחום(G-d of Compassion) and what needs to be revealed is revealed.
 
    With that being said, I must move onto what has been coming through for the last several months. In September of 2019, the most powerful vision/connection I ever recall to date, came through during a cleaning job. On that day, September 18th, as I was wiping down the bathroom, listening to Mozart (I use classical music to connect with the upper realms), I heard a very strong voice say to me, “Look! Look now!” Instantly, I understood. As a child, I used to stare in the mirror to try to see past my physical body to the essence of my soul. I would struggle to focus beyond this realm, but I would inevitably fail. For years, I would try.  I gave up sometime in my teens and never really went back to trying. But, this voice was telling me it was time to see. See beyond this body, this existence, to the true SELF of my soul. And in that instant, all was revealed to me. It was so powerful, so intense, I dropped to my knees, tears streaming down my face, my body feeling like it would explode from the intensity of what I was feeling. Complete knowing, understanding of every life I’ve lived, every joy, every sorrow, every moment of every life revealed all at once. My instant reaction was to meekly say, through tears, “No, that can’t be.” The voice came back, “Now do you see? Now do you understand? Who you were? Who you are? Do you see why it all had to be the way it was? You are who and where you are for a reason.” I laid on the floor in a crumpled mess trying to make sense of what I just experienced. The life that was revealed, the one I’ve never seen before, the one that drives me in this life, was one of great significance. I hesitate to identify it, for I am not prepared to deal with the backlash I will receive, just know it was important in history. For now, what is important is this gift I was given. This gift of sight, of knowing and of understanding.
   Since that revelation, many visions have come through; glimpses in time, flashes of the future. Some make perfect sense and seem to calm the feelings that are flooding me. Some are so fragmented they don’t cohere to anything in reality. Mostly what I experience physically is akin to how it feels when every emotion comes to the surface and overwhelms you to the point where you feel you’re going to explode. The intensity builds and builds as each image is placed in my consciousness and breathing becomes difficult. Tears naturally stream down my face and speech isn’t possible. These only last for a few minutes at most, but can leave me feeling spent for hours. But the wisdom that comes is so great, it is clear it is not for me to hold. It is intended to be shouted from the mountain tops. Written on every subway wall, billboard, etc... So this is where I begin.
   Most of my life, I’ve known there was a specific reason I decided to come down to the lower realm in this particular time. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I knew I was here for a pretty big reason. It’s not an ego thing, for I hid from it for years. Hence the reason I’m just now putting my words out there at 47, though I’ve been writing all my life. And I’ve been writing about this pang in my gut for most of that time. With this post, I am dedicating my blog to publishing those writings from past years and continuing as the visions come through. It is no longer a choice, but something I am compelled to do. Inspired to change this world, one revelation at a time.
   Back to September.  Who I was so many years ago isn’t important right now. What I saw, however, is. Amongst us Jews, it is well known that we were chosen by G-d, but for what? Most of the world, especially Christianity, believes we were chosen to be the only ones allowed in “Heaven”. That couldn’t be further from the truth. We were chosen to be the teachers. To teach the laws and precepts of G-d. And we’ve been failing at it miserably for 5 millennia. At times, we make a small dent, but on the whole, it doesn’t seem to matter. Humanity is now on the edge of the precipice of real understanding, true enlightenment, yet fights against the reality of truth. A truth that will change the very fabric of human existence. It will change how we live, how we interact with one another, what we understand about why we’re here, and so on. And it is our DUTY as Jews to teach the world how to navigate this new REALity.
   This virus, Co-V2, is merely a catalyst for what’s to come. It will not be pretty, for in order to change our world, we must remodel it. And that’s gonna be a huge mess! Adaptation is going to be key in this reconstruction process. You can think what you want about conspiracy theories, world domination, whatever, I really don’t care. This isn’t about that. In fact, it’s so far beyond the limitations of this physical existence, that those ideas don’t even factor in. For they are nothing more than distractions. Things put in our way to deter us from the real path we are all on; to prevent this change. Yet, it is inevitable. We cannot stop it even if we try. The reality that we are destroying our planet, ourselves and our future is one that should not be debated. We are far too populated, far too unconscious and far too arrogant. This catalyst was sent here to change all of that. It begins a cycle of nature that no matter how arrogant we are to believe we can stop it, we cannot. In the coming years, we will see mass starvation, more disease, poverty and crime, as people become more desperate to survive. Hate, angst, disillusionment and fear will rear their ugly heads, but hope, consciousness, understanding and love will also rise amongst the masses. We will have a choice to embrace all that is good or all that is bad, individually and collectively. Communities will flourish while others wither away. The key will be who decides to rise to the challenge and who chooses to walk away. Those who refuse to adapt, unfortunately will perish. Those who chose to open their hearts to consciously walking this path will lead the way. As for the rest, they will either follow or be left behind. It is not a pretty scenario, but it is one that has become necessary for the survival of humanity and our precious planet upon which we live.
   In 2011, just before I decided my marriage was over, I did a spirit writing session. Little did I know at the time, how true those words would be now. What came through was this, “It isn’t what we wanted, but it became necessary in order for you to reach your full potential. What you have inside is not for you, but for the whole of the world.” Though I knew, somehow this would change everything about how I walk this path, I could not have known to what extent that change would become. Over the last 8+ years, I have been on a journey of discovery. Uncovering exactly who I am and why I’m here. I have made choices that allowed me the space to expand my understanding of every aspect of my SELF and my abilities. I have grown my skills in writing, drawing, speaking and study. These were not mistakes, nor coincidence. Whether I was aware or not, these choices give me the ability now to guide those who chose to follow. Through my writing, my art and my gift of oration, I will do all that I can to guide us into the next phase of Human existence, with the humble knowledge that these gifts are not mine to possess, but to share; to honor Hashem, Humanity and all life.
 
 

Dementia

Dementia, I am dealing with it now, as we speak. My father, the man who taught me just about everything, the man who would warn any boy who wanted to date me, the man who walked me down the aisle, the man who beamed with great pride when he met his grandson, the man who’s stood behind most everything I’ve done, is slipping away. There are days when I can handle it, there are days I cannot. I look at Dad sometimes and see this incredible man who’s lived a blessed life, not always easy, but blessed for sure. And sometimes all I can see is the disease. Each day presents new challenges, old challenges and moments of great appreciation and love. It’s chaos AND calm. It’s heartbreak and loss. It’s laughter and sarcasm. It’s everything. It’s life. I don’t want sympathy, for that feels like pity, which I simply don’t feel. I am honored to be here for him, even though we have moments where we both want to walk away. The anger, the sadness, the love, the joy of life is all there, wrapped up in one torturous disease. Soon, he won’t know who I am. Soon, he won’t remember his own life. Soon, he will need me for everything. But not today. And today, I will cherish and each day I have with him. When he’s gone, I know I’ll go through all the stages of grieving. I know I will postulate all the things I could’ve done differently. Could I have been more patient? Could I have been a bit less rigid? Could I have been a little more conscious? The answers matter not. One thing I will hold dear, no matter what, I did my best to honor him, to care for him and protect him, as he did for me. And that is what holds me up today. Gives me strength to face each challenge, each loss of control, each burst of anger or sadness or confusion. Knowing I’ve gone into this consciously, without hesitation, understanding that it will be the most difficult thing I will ever face in my life. I’m not asking for accolades, for they are irrelevant. I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I expect it. I’m here, I love him and I hope that he knows he is always safe, loved and that he matters. Because in the end, it’s not about the things we acquire, it’s not about the money we made. It’s about the difference we make. It’s about the lessons we share, the wisdom we impart, the love we show. In the end, it’s about selfless acts of lovingkindness. 

REALity

As we settle into our “new” reality, albeit temporary, my thoughts about the future of Humanity are swimming around in my head. Will Humanity rise to the Grace of G-d? Will we be forever changed? Enlightened? Elevated? Or will Humanity continue this unconscious numb existence? These questions swirl about in my mind, begging for answers, though I have none. What I do know is that nothing will be the same again. Not a single human on the planet right now can escape the effects of this pandemic. Yet, I still see and hear people acting as if all will return to status quo soon. If there is one thing I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt is life SHOULD NOT go back to status quo. No! We have lived blind, numb, unconscious for far too long! It’s time we find a new “normal”. See this should be a HUGE WAKE UP CALL to all of humanity. It’s time to examine yourSELF. Time to take a long hard look at how you affect the world you live in. It means to live consciously, ALWAYS. Think about how your actions have the ability to make any situation, regardless, work out in not only a positive way, but also in a way that leaves an imprint of light on everyone involved. For when one sees just how they CAN influence another, a situation, a path, whatever, ALL of humanity benefits. Because it becomes “INFECTIOUS” and spreads to each and every other, just like THIS VIRUS. When we let go of EGO, what we are left with is TRUTH. Ego veils truth because truth forces humility. It makes one look at their own beliefs and question their validity. Ego perpetuates an illusion that one is always RIGHT, and therefore, RIGHTEOUS. It manipulates facts to fit a narrative, an ideology of superiority. But truth, on the other hand, frees thought. It frees the emotion. It allows for intellectual and spiritual curiosity. It beckons to be studied, embraced and known. For no one can oppress those who know TRUTH.
  Should we go back to “normal”? As my mother, of blessed memory, used to say, ”What is “normal”? Why, normal is just a setting on the washing machine. There’s nothing “normal” about life, except change. THAT IS NORMAL.” We can choose to embrace this change, to flow with it, to accept it and expand because of it. But to go back to the way things were? Personally, I don’t think that’s possible.

Truth

Avodah

   Recently, a friend of mine asked me 2 questions, “Do you really know who you are? Can you really see your SELF?” I was surprised by my answer, it was a simple, “No, I don’t think I do.” It made me think. Think about what that really meant. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling as though I must defend myself no matter the cost. That I must always fight to be heard, to be seen, to be loved. 

  Truth be told, I don’t NEED to prove anything to anyone BUT myself. A few months ago, during Torah Study, something was said that resonated so strongly, I decided it needed to become my new mantra, “When in an argument, ask yourself, Are you arguing for the sake of ego, or for the sake of G-d?” 

  I have championed for others and never gotten so much as a thank you. I have loved and I have lost. I have laughed to the point of tears and cried to the point of laughing. I feel so strongly, others pain, that I get lost in it. I take the blame when I shouldn’t. And don’t take credit when I should. Though I am proud of where I’ve been and where I am going, I forgot to look in the mirror and see my own value. 

  I have died a thousand deaths and come back from the depths of hell. I have elevated and sat with G-d. Felt at peace there, in Hashem’s presence. Been humbled by all that has been, all that will be and fallen to my knees. I am not worthy. Yet, there I sat. And here I am. 

  With all that I have come through, the knowledge, the faith, the trust and the strength, I am here. I have survived. To know my SELF, I had to step back, go within and fight the only fight worth fighting. The one where my critic shrinks to nothing more than a spec of dust and what survives, no, what lives, is MY worth. MY value. MY knowing that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. 

  I am a survivor, a champion, an empath, an artist, a writer, a creator. I have a guardian angel who speaks through me. I can soar amongst the stars without a body. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am the person that will hold the door for a stranger, give what I can to those in need. I am the one who gets the call at 3am from a friend in crisis. I never ask anything in return. I merely take pleasure in seeing those I help blossom and grow. I get joy from knowing, in some small way, I made a difference in their life.  

  

  As I move to transform, no, redefine my SELF, I have but one simple request. If you need someone to talk to, someone who can see beyond the veil of illusion, I am here.  I may not know exactly your situation, but I can feel exactly what you feel. And guide you through your struggle. It is my gift to this world. It is a blessing, though for years I saw it as a curse. But now, I see where and how I am to make that difference. I am but a humble servant of Hashem. My work, is HIS work. His Light and Love shine through me to you. I am humbled by this gift and am ready to share it.  Reach for me, and I will pull you up, so you may become the best version of YOU possible. I will reflect YOUR Light so you may see through the darkness and return to your TRUTH.

                                          Love & Light, 

                                                         Miriam

  

Perspective

Scrolling through Facebook, the reactions range from one end of the spectrum to the other. Being a lifelong student of human behavior, I can tell you, there are always more than 2 sides to any story. At a minimum, there are 8, like a prism, each side reflects a different perspective.  In a time such as this, it is important to take the opportunity to see as many sides as you can, so as to determine the best course of ACTION. It is important to ground in TRUTH, whatever that may be. In that TRUTH, even when we are faced with great uncertainty, calmness and peace wash over, settling our collective fears. It allows for rational, intentional thought, which naturally brings about conscious ACTION. And conscious ACTION, brings about change, which I think we can all agree is desperately needed in our world. But just what that change is going to look like has yet to be determined. Believe it or not, it all comes down to choice. It’s really going to depend on the collective energy and mindset of HUMANITY, as well as the individual. Yes, YOU have the ability to create a better world with each and every choice you make. THAT is what Conscious Living is all about. So, will WE choose to come together to embrace a “Collective” Conscious Way of Life? Or will we choose to continue to fight each other, forcing views, opinions and limitations down one another’s throats, believing one way is better than another? WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. NO ONE PERSON IS ABOVE OR BELOW ANOTHER. BE KIND. BE CONSCIOUS. BE SAFE.