Recently, a friend of mine asked me 2 questions, “Do you really know who you are? Can you really see your SELF?” I was surprised by my answer, it was a simple, “No, I don’t think I do.” It made me think. Think about what that really meant. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling as though I must defend myself no matter the cost. That I must always fight to be heard, to be seen, to be loved.
Truth be told, I don’t NEED to prove anything to anyone BUT myself. A few months ago, during Torah Study, something was said that resonated so strongly, I decided it needed to become my new mantra, “When in an argument, ask yourself, Are you arguing for the sake of ego, or for the sake of G-d?”
I have championed for others and never gotten so much as a thank you. I have loved and I have lost. I have laughed to the point of tears and cried to the point of laughing. I feel so strongly, others pain, that I get lost in it. I take the blame when I shouldn’t. And don’t take credit when I should. Though I am proud of where I’ve been and where I am going, I forgot to look in the mirror and see my own value.
I have died a thousand deaths and come back from the depths of hell. I have elevated and sat with G-d. Felt at peace there, in Hashem’s presence. Been humbled by all that has been, all that will be and fallen to my knees. I am not worthy. Yet, there I sat. And here I am.
With all that I have come through, the knowledge, the faith, the trust and the strength, I am here. I have survived. To know my SELF, I had to step back, go within and fight the only fight worth fighting. The one where my critic shrinks to nothing more than a spec of dust and what survives, no, what lives, is MY worth. MY value. MY knowing that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
I am a survivor, a champion, an empath, an artist, a writer, a creator. I have a guardian angel who speaks through me. I can soar amongst the stars without a body. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am the person that will hold the door for a stranger, give what I can to those in need. I am the one who gets the call at 3am from a friend in crisis. I never ask anything in return. I merely take pleasure in seeing those I help blossom and grow. I get joy from knowing, in some small way, I made a difference in their life.
As I move to transform, no, redefine my SELF, I have but one simple request. If you need someone to talk to, someone who can see beyond the veil of illusion, I am here. I may not know exactly your situation, but I can feel exactly what you feel. And guide you through your struggle. It is my gift to this world. It is a blessing, though for years I saw it as a curse. But now, I see where and how I am to make that difference. I am but a humble servant of Hashem. My work, is HIS work. His Light and Love shine through me to you. I am humbled by this gift and am ready to share it. Reach for me, and I will pull you up, so you may become the best version of YOU possible. I will reflect YOUR Light so you may see through the darkness and return to your TRUTH.
Love & Light,
Miriam
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